Wednesday, it's Christmas! I slept until 8 am. Making up for being awake in the night again. My knee was pretty sore this morning, all the weight work I guess.
This was probably my worst point emotionally in this whole experience. I don't ever remember feeling this way with the last knee. I'm not sure what's so different this time. Maybe because I was expecting this one to go a little easier. The doctors always say that the pre surgical range of motion and everything is the best predictor of post surgical results. I know that the bending isn't really improving very rapidly, and I guess I figured that would come with time. That's kind of how it worked with the left one. I even saw improvement when Anderzej came to work on the right one. It's the extension, or straightening that isn't getting better. I really need to be able to stand, and do a lot of walking with what I do at work. The way it is now, makes it really painful to walk after a few minutes, and standing is pretty painful after just a few minutes.
I got out of the shower and went into the kitchen, Kym was making me breakfast, all the things I like. I don't deserve her, God knows.... I sat down at the computer, and I was just overwhelmed with grief and sadness. I couldn't control my emotions, and I just cried my eyes out on her shoulder. This rehab has just made me feel like a failure. I have all my family members depending on me to provide for them, be a strong husband and father, and I can't even control my own body, or seem to be able to make a decision. I have felt so emotional at times through this whole experience, it surprises me. Maybe some of the meds they have me taking, I guess I really should read all those warnings on the bottles.
Sitting here in the dark, writing this with all the children engaged in different things, makes me realize again how blessed I really am. God loves me so much, that he sent his only son to take my place, and pay the penalty for my sins, so that I could spend eternity in heaven with Him. Nothing else really matters, and all this stuff above seems so trivial.
We had dinner at Frank and Judi's house, as usual, and it was about 60 degrees, warm and sunny. I sat outside a while, just reading and talking with the kids. One of my favorite things. We are starting to realize that some of the things that we have always done, and take for granted, will soon change. Life doesn't stay the same really.
Kym gave me a really good knee massage this morning before we left, and I did some to the weight on the knee therapy, and bike riding for a warm up. I felt really good all day actually. So when we got home this afternoon, I changed and got on the bike again, telling myself to just try for 10 minutes. It helps to close my eyes, and concentrate on the movement. It seems to help minimize the pain. So after about 5 minutes, I was able to move the seat up a little, and stop cheating with my foot placement. I had both feet firmly in place on the pedals, and went for about 10 minutes total. I even called Kym out to witness it. I felt really good about that. I was never able to ride this bike after the left knee, it just never would bend enough to make it work.
Tomorrow I have to decide about the manipulation, I'll try to call the doctor in the morning. Jeff wanted me to ask him if the procedure would help with extension, or if is just about flexion. I googled the question, isn't that what you do? It sounds like the procedure helps with both, so unless I wake up with a straight knee in the morning, it looks like Friday at noon Dr Schinsky will be cracking me like a chicken wing, and then back to daily PT again on Monday. Stay tuned.
Merry Christmas
This was probably my worst point emotionally in this whole experience. I don't ever remember feeling this way with the last knee. I'm not sure what's so different this time. Maybe because I was expecting this one to go a little easier. The doctors always say that the pre surgical range of motion and everything is the best predictor of post surgical results. I know that the bending isn't really improving very rapidly, and I guess I figured that would come with time. That's kind of how it worked with the left one. I even saw improvement when Anderzej came to work on the right one. It's the extension, or straightening that isn't getting better. I really need to be able to stand, and do a lot of walking with what I do at work. The way it is now, makes it really painful to walk after a few minutes, and standing is pretty painful after just a few minutes.
I got out of the shower and went into the kitchen, Kym was making me breakfast, all the things I like. I don't deserve her, God knows.... I sat down at the computer, and I was just overwhelmed with grief and sadness. I couldn't control my emotions, and I just cried my eyes out on her shoulder. This rehab has just made me feel like a failure. I have all my family members depending on me to provide for them, be a strong husband and father, and I can't even control my own body, or seem to be able to make a decision. I have felt so emotional at times through this whole experience, it surprises me. Maybe some of the meds they have me taking, I guess I really should read all those warnings on the bottles.
Sitting here in the dark, writing this with all the children engaged in different things, makes me realize again how blessed I really am. God loves me so much, that he sent his only son to take my place, and pay the penalty for my sins, so that I could spend eternity in heaven with Him. Nothing else really matters, and all this stuff above seems so trivial.
We had dinner at Frank and Judi's house, as usual, and it was about 60 degrees, warm and sunny. I sat outside a while, just reading and talking with the kids. One of my favorite things. We are starting to realize that some of the things that we have always done, and take for granted, will soon change. Life doesn't stay the same really.
Kym gave me a really good knee massage this morning before we left, and I did some to the weight on the knee therapy, and bike riding for a warm up. I felt really good all day actually. So when we got home this afternoon, I changed and got on the bike again, telling myself to just try for 10 minutes. It helps to close my eyes, and concentrate on the movement. It seems to help minimize the pain. So after about 5 minutes, I was able to move the seat up a little, and stop cheating with my foot placement. I had both feet firmly in place on the pedals, and went for about 10 minutes total. I even called Kym out to witness it. I felt really good about that. I was never able to ride this bike after the left knee, it just never would bend enough to make it work.
Tomorrow I have to decide about the manipulation, I'll try to call the doctor in the morning. Jeff wanted me to ask him if the procedure would help with extension, or if is just about flexion. I googled the question, isn't that what you do? It sounds like the procedure helps with both, so unless I wake up with a straight knee in the morning, it looks like Friday at noon Dr Schinsky will be cracking me like a chicken wing, and then back to daily PT again on Monday. Stay tuned.
Merry Christmas
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